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WASHINGTON—Still reeling from the unprecedented, complex ways in which they have fatally mishandled the Covid-19 pandemic, White House officials reportedly breathed a sigh of relief Tuesday after Tropical Storm Isaias gave them a simple, run-of-the-mill hurricane relief effort to fuck up. “A Category 1 storm hitting the Carolinas? We can drop the ball on that, no problem,” said Peter Gaynor, administrator of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, adding that with everything the Trump administration had been dealing with lately, a routine failure along the lines of its bungled responses to Hurricanes Maria and Dorian should make for a nice change of pace. “Seriously, all we have to do is not provide anywhere near enough temporary shelters, maybe spread some misinformation about where the storm is actually headed, and then see to it that a completely unproven startup with a clear, unethical connection to the administration misdirects any crucial supplies urgently needed in flood zones. Should be a fairly straightforward case of lethal government malpractice.” Following news that Isaias had forced the closure of numerous Covid-19 testing sites in Florida, a White House spokesperson confirmed things were already off to a pretty good fuck-up.

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