If I were to place saltines on an alignment chart, I’d have to go with “neutral good.” They’re bland enough to get along with everyone, but just salty enough to keep your palate vaguely interested on their own, without adornment. They’re mildly comforting, and not at all challenging, and they remind of a biscuity McDonald’s ice cream cone—heavy on texture and light on flavor.
Speaking of that cone: I will accept no slander of it. It is perfectly acceptable, and sometimes preferable, for an ice cream delivery system to not taste like much on its own. This lets the ice cream shine, while offering textural contrast, which is sometimes the only contrast you need.
In the case of saltines, you also get a little salt, for contrasting flavor. Similar to the biscuit in my favorite strawberry shortcake, they don’t bring any sweetness of their own, only slightly savory toastiness. (This makes sense, when you compare the ingredients in the two.) Unlike ice cream sandwiches made with cookies or brownies or even Pop-Tarts, saltine ice cream sandwiches are smaller, delicate, three-bite affairs—a snack-sized dessert, instead of a commitment.
Unlike biscuits, or even cookies, their texture is virtually unaffected by the freezer. They stay beautifully crisp, meaning you can bite into them right away without straining your jaw. You can pair saltines with any, and I do mean any, ice cream flavor without conflict, clashing, or anything other than crispy support.
How to make ice cream sandwiches with saltines
Table of Contents
Start by grabbing a sheet pan and lining it with plastic wrap. I used a quarter sheet pan, which can accommodate 24 sandwiches’ worth of ice cream (around a quart), but you are welcome to dream bigger.
Let your ice cream of choice ice soften a bit, then place six scoops of ice cream in the pan. Space them out evenly, then cover with another sheet of plastic wrap and smoosh the ice cream into an even layer. Pop the pan in the freezer and let chill for two hours, or until the ice cream is completely solid.(Why not scoop the ice cream directly onto crackers and smoosh them together? It is messy, and the saltines will break.)
Remove the pan from the freezer, lift the ice cream out of the pan and onto a cutting board with the bottom sheet of plastic wrap, then peel off the top sheet of plastic wrap. Using a saltine as a guide, cut the ice cream into saltine-sized squares and place the cutting board (with the ice cream on it) into the freezer for half an hour.
Remove the cutting board from the freezer. Using a thin spatula or butter knife, lift the ice cream squares away from the bottom layer of plastic wrap and sandwich them between two crackers. If they don’t want to stick, just wait a minute or two, then gently press the crackers into the slightly softened ice cream. Place sandwiches in an airtight container, with wax or parchment paper between layers as needed, and store in the freezer. You may have to return the ice cream to the freezer halfway through making them, as it is prone to melting, but that’s alright. You’ll have a dozen ice cream sandwiches by then, which should be enough to get you started.