With graduation in the rearview mirror and another school year on the horizon, it’s the time of year when we all tend to reminisce about high school. For a lot of us, that means thinking about all the things we did wrong after tossing those caps into the air. Here are a few pieces of advice I wish someone had passed down to me.
High school can be a battle that’s tough to survive. Once you graduate, you’re left staring back blankly at one of the first major accomplishments in your life. Now’s the time when teachers tell you to go for your dream college. Parents are push you toward a medical degree. Friends are urge you to get stoned and tour Europe. I remember spending the summer after graduation stressed, frustrated, and confused. It sucked. So now, years later, here is the wisdom I wish someone had given me before I started college.
You don’t have to go to college right away (or at all)
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We’ve already talked about when college does and doesn’t matter, and even how to make the most out of those college years. But going to college immediately after high school isn’t for everyone. For a lot of people, it’s a good idea to give yourself a year (or a few) before deciding whether or not you want to go to school.
It seems like most parents and counselors say that if you don’t start college immediately after graduating, you won’t start at all. In my experience, that’s not true. Of the people I know who’ve graduated college, the majority who finished in four years didn’t even start until their early 20s. The ones who waited a few years after high school started college just fine, didn’t switch majors a bunch, and were “adult” enough to beeline their way through school without a lot of trouble.
Likewise, it’s reasonable that college—or even just a four year college—isn’t for you. Trade schools, though lambasted by parents and principals, are viable options for certain careers, and skipping college to jump into a trade is just as acceptable as going to school. You need to do something, but that something needn’t be college.
I wish someone had told me that it’s okay to chill out and wait before starting college. Contrary to what everyone told me, the world would not have ended, I would not have wound up living on the streets addicted to drugs, and I wouldn’t have had to move back into my parents house because I was directionless. It would have been fine, and I would have wasted less time in school.
It’s OK to be undecided on your major
Before I started school, I spent months deciding between majoring in graphic design or political science. I chose graphic design. I did that for a semester before realizing it wasn’t my thing, then transferred schools and started a political science program. I did that for a couple of years before moving over to creative writing. I graduated seven years later with 40 more credits than I needed and a pretty solid case of burnout. I had no idea what I wanted to do and nobody told me it’d be fine to take some time off (or just skip declaring a major) until I figured things out.
This is a story I’ve heard from countless others, including former Lifehacker staff writer Andy Orin, who added:
I was apprehensive about having to choose a major, which seemed like a decision that would affect the course of my entire life. It didn’t matter.
You don’t have to know what you want to major in. You don’t need to pick it right away. You certainly don’t need to worry that much about it. There’s a good chance you won’t even end up in a career that you reflects your college major, so don’t expect it to change the course of your life. It’s important to study something you actually like, but in the end, it’s not necessarily going to make that much of a difference to where you end up.
Crappy jobs are still worth doing well
The common wisdom suggests that after you finish high school you’ll move onto a career path that will take you to bigger and better jobs. Gone are those days of standing behind the counter at Dairy Queen or washing dishes at the pizza restaurant. But many of us continued those menial jobs well after high school and throughout college. And no matter how stupid and pointless those jobs are, they’re worth doing well.
It’s easy to slack off at crappy job, but doing so can have a serious effect on you in a lot of ways. On the most obvious level, it makes you lazy—it might not seem like it matters, but the longer you spend slacking off at a crappy job, the bigger effect it has on how you’ll think about the effort you put into your jobs in the future.
Even the crappiest job fosters friendships and partnerships. Through my pointless, minimum wage jobs in my late teens and early 20s I met many of my lifelong friends, creative partners, and people who’ve helped me with further employment. I can guarantee that if I’d been a lazy employee, those friendships would not have endured. It’s a cliché, but how you handle a bad situation—like a minimum wage job—reflects on you as a person. It’s worth doing well, and you might be surprised at what you learn.
Don’t lose touch with friends and family (but make new friends)
I went to a small high school in the Colorado mountains, and despite the fact my graduating class was a mere 80 people, I’ve kept in contact with none of them outside of social media. Over the years, I’ve touched base with a few friends from high school, but nothing substantial came of it. For the most part, I’ve been OK with this. Still, Lifehacker’s Melanie Pinola pointed out that fostering those relationships is important:
Try to stay in touch with your high school friends. It’s all too easy to let each other drift apart. They might be the most meaningful friendships you’ve developed so far, and could last well into later decades (when it’s harder to make good friends).
Likewise, if you have siblings and you’re going to different schools now or exploring separate paths, don’t forget to check in with them often. We get so busy with our college lives or work (and coming home for the holidays isn’t enough to catch up)
My experience was different. I’d argue that it’s more important to forge new friendships now that you’re away from high school. I spent the days immediately after high school trying to force old high school friendships that didn’t work because I didn’t know what else to do. Lifehacker’s Whitson Gordon suggested a nice balance between making and keeping friends:
It’s fine to keep your relationships with your high school friends—In my case, those are the ones that really lasted. But especially for your first few weeks of college, try to make new friends and let your high school buddies do the same. Meet the people in your dorm, and make it a point to hang out with them—even if they aren’t the kind of people you’ll be friends with for life (or even through college), you’ll be a lot happier with a few buddies at the beginning.
So, like most things—it’s about figuring out what’s right for you. I wish someone had just told me that it’s acceptable to cut those old ties and make new friendships. I wouldn’t have wasted so much time hanging out with people from high school who I didn’t get along with. (That said, if you have great relationships with friends in high school, keep those people around as long as you can.)
Most importantly, ask questions
After graduating high school I thought I was a pretty smart guy. The truth is, I was at the height of my stupidity (hopefully), and I knew nothing. Pretension is a dangerous thing.
Between the ages of 18 and 20, I didn’t ask questions. I went through life thinking I knew how the world worked. I didn’t ask questions in school. I didn’t ask questions at work. I didn’t ask girlfriends the questions a boyfriend should ask. I didn’t ask friends questions about things they knew more about than me. Looking back on those years, I’m not sure why I acted this way. I think it came from the idea that I wanted to come across as being intelligent, so I didn’t want to reveal that I didn’t know anything.
Now I know a healthy curiosity is one of the best signs of intelligence. The more questions you ask, the more intelligent you become. Ask questions about how things work. Ask why they work. Ask why they don’t work. Ask where things come from. Just ask as many questions as you can about everything. It’s simple math, but as a cocky, know-it-all asshole of a kid, I couldn’t see it. I wish I had. You’re going to make a ton of mistakes as a teenager, in your 20s, and beyond. Make sure you train yourself to ask the right questions now so you can learn something from them, and avoid making mistakes you don’t need to make.
The essay was originally published in 2014 and updated in 2023.