Ocean quahogs can live to be over 500 years old. These clammy assholes spend centuries doing nothing but burrowing into the ocean floor and filtering algae out of sea water. People, on the other hand, only get like 78 years before we die! This is not fair.
Personally, I live actively in defiance of death, and I will one day become immortal or die trying. I’m not talking about living on through the legacy of my good works or in the smiles of my children or any of that claptrap. I will only accept full-on, never-die immortality.
These are the 14 methods and theories I will be using to never die. They run the gamut from almost-backed-by-science ideas, to things that actually will extend your life somewhat, to the absurd but theoretically possible.