Manifesting is a buzzy term, especially when it comes to finding love. Search for hashtag love and manifestation on YouTube and TikTok, and you’ll discover a great many videos teaching you how to manifest love into your life. But what does it really mean to manifest love—and is it actually possible?
“Manifestation is the understanding that like attracts like. That which is like itself will attract and create more of the same,” says Taylor Carr, a clinical hypnotherapist and femininity coach. “It’s a little woo-woo, but there’s also so much science that now backs up these theories. What most people don’t understand is that they are attracting at all times. Every moment of every day, we are manifesting simply by who we are being, what we are expecting, the thoughts we think, the actions we take, and the words we speak. Learning how to use it and create intentionally, however, is where life can get really interesting.”
Charlotte Kirsten, a trauma psychotherapist and manifestation expert, says there can be a very grounded, practical approach to manifesting love.
“Simply put, manifestation works by helping people to examine, deconstruct and assemble their belief systems, so they can better understand the connection between their thoughts, their emotions, their actions, and how this all comes to shape their lived experiences,” she says. “When you alter your behavior, thoughts, and perspective, you’re naturally changing the lens through which you view the world.”
When you do this, Kirsten says, you change the way you see yourself, the way you act, and more importantly, what you allow or accept into your life. “Practically, this might mean walking away from toxic relationships sooner, seeking more positive traits in a partner, such as respect and trust, and here’s the key: choosing to believe there’s someone more suited out there.”
But the real deal when it comes to manifestation, according to Kirsten, is there has to be an element of “doing” to attract new love into your life. “Manifestation doesn’t work unless steps are taken to drive change,” she says. “There’s no praying and wishing for the perfect partner to fall from the sky.”
Below are some actions and beliefs you can implement right now to help manifest love in your life.
Get clear on the qualities and traits you wish to attract
What do you want to experience in love? Who is your ideal partner? Kirsten says getting clear on what you want when it comes to love will help you manifest it, but that doesn’t mean making a giant list of superficial traits. “It’s about visualizing and creating the kind of life you want to live with your ideal partner,” she says. “If you want more trust, loyalty, or respect in your relationship, ask yourself why. Beyond the obvious, it could signal that there’s some element of healing you need to embark on before even thinking about entering a new relationship. Likewise, if you’re adamant you want someone with ‘blonde hair and blue eyes,’ dig into why. Is it really going to serve you or is it because you want to feed a certain part of your ego?”
The more clear you are with your intentions, the more you’ll be able to recognize it in the real world while simultaneously disregarding what no longer works for you.
Become your own best lover
Since love attracts love, loving and knowing yourself is one the best things you can do for yourself to help manifest love into your life. Part of this is to help you connect with your own sense of self-love and self-worth so you’re not looking for someone else to give that to you.
“Many people want someone to walk with in their lives and know them, love them, and accept them for all that they are when they haven’t even done this work to love themselves yet,” Carr says. So before you manifest a lover into your life, Carr recommends manifesting love in your life right now by taking yourself out on dates, filling your own cup, getting to know yourself better and better every day. “The trick is to do all of this from a place of feeling abundant, not lack. Know that if you’re doing this work, love is on the way.”
Reframe the negative
Next, Kirsten recommends examining your current belief system. “Whenever you catch yourself thinking something negative about your appearance, your previous relationships, or making sweeping, blanket statements (‘I’ll never be able to find another partner again’) check in with yourself,” she says. “Ask ‘is this really the reality I’m trying to create?’ If not, reframe the negative into something that feels more akin to where you want to be.”
For example, she suggests switching it up with the affirmation: “I’ve attracted a partner who treats me with the love, respect, and loyalty I deserve.”
Carr says holding onto old hurts, including an ex, could also be blocking new love from entering your life.
“If you still feel attached to your ex, find a way to let them go. Let go of the anger you feel, or even the betrayal, and come back to love. You can use little prayers, such as, ‘They were doing the best they knew how to do with what they were given,’ and ‘I lovingly release you.’ Always return back to the energy of love.”
Raise your standards
If you want the very best in love, Carr says part of that means expecting the best.
“The time has come to stop settling for breadcrumbs in life,” she says. “Trying to be ‘cool’ or ‘easy’ just leaves space to attract the type of partner who may take advantage of your niceness. Start expecting more, and be courageous enough to cut off someone lovingly when they don’t match your newfound standards. This way you’re sending the universe (and your brain) messages of what you’re available for and what you’re no longer available for. The universe is bringing you what you show it you’re ready for.”
Make it feel as real as possible
If like attracts like, then Carr says it’s extremely important for you to feel the love you want to receive now. “I tell all my clients, walk the world like a woman (or person) who is already loved. You can practice sitting down and visualizing your dream person walking into your life, and how they’ll make you feel. Remember what it feels like to fall in love and let that fill your body. You can also journal about your perfect day with this person, and really feel into it.”
Take aligned action
Lastly, Kirsten says when it comes to manifestation, there has to be an element of doing, even if that’s as simple as putting yourself in new scenarios to meet new people. “Don’t be afraid to experiment with people outside of your usual ‘type’ either. More often than not, our type is derived from seeking to fill some void during our childhood, which as you can imagine, only seeks to exacerbate feelings of lack, low self-worth, and loneliness when it doesn’t pan out as we had hoped. Consider this stage as taking the new beliefs you’ve built out for a test drive.”
And then…let go and be patient. “Manifestations rarely happen overnight, especially if you’re having to rewire your entire belief system and thought process,” Kirsten says. “As with most things in life, it takes time to see results. But the great news is once you’re in the ‘flow’ of attracting things into your life, you’ll see opportunities to speed the process up. Almost like a personal social experiment, you’ll discover exactly how and what it takes to attract new love into your life—and fairly quickly, too.”