Who is a foster girlfriend and how to not be one - Times of India

Have you ever been in one of those relationships where you date a guy, help, guide and mold him to become a better version of himself only to see him dump you and get into a relationship with someone else? Well, we now have a term for this and it’s called ‘foster girlfriend’.

To get a more specific understanding, the term foster girlfriend is defined as a girl who dates a guy until he finds his ‘forever home’. This very much looks like women go out giving free therapy to men who use all of these tricks and tips to get a new person with whom they eventually settle down.

Why does this happen?

Well, it happens because you allow it to happen. It’s as simple and hard-hitting as it sounds. When you go after a man who is emotionally immature, unavailable and damaged, you get a feeling of wanting to “fix” him. You set yourself up for failure so that some other woman gets the perfect guy.

If you’re used to being second best and feeling rejected, you might very much be vulnerable to this type of situation. Experts suggest looking at what you’re trying to avoid in your own life that leads to such behaviour.

Now, it is absolutely normal to want your partner to be the best version of themselves. But when you extend yourself to “repair” or “fix” them more than they’d want to themselves, it makes the breakup hurt much more than it normally does. You’ll curse yourself for not being picked and wonder what went wrong with you which makes it even likelier for you to pick on this role again.

So, how do you avoid being a foster girlfriend?

If you’re with someone who you feel needs time to change or grow, don’t take the responsibility to guide them. Instead, go after men who, in your mind, don’t need fixing right from the beginning. If the man you’re interested in doesn’t claim to be ready enough for anything emotional, trust them for what they say and don’t involve yourself in it. Don’t take the blame for their inability to commit. It isn’t even related to your worthiness. It’s about their emotional unavailability. If you blame yourself, you’ll only keep like a mess and unworthy which will eventually make you settle for less again. Instead, accept that what the man is looking for is not what you’re looking for and move on to someone who is on the same page as you.

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