Morbidly Obese Referee Clearly Thought Season Was Going To Be Cancelled
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Adam Gase Warns Jets Fans Not To Overreact To First 60 Years Of Franchise
FLORHAM PARK, NJ—Asking for patience so the team has time to develop and cohere, New York Jets head coach Adam Gase warned Sunday that fans should not overreact too much…
Scaled-Back GOP Stimulus Bill Fails In Senate
Senate Republicans on Thursday failed to pass their scaled-down stimulus plan, which Democrats opposed as inadequate, likely ensuring that a second-round coronavirus relief package will not materialize until after the…
Rockets Cite Advanced Statistics To Support Strategy Of Giving LeBron James Coronavirus
ORLANDO—Stressing that the unconventional tactic was warranted to counter the Lakers star’s incredible postseason production, Houston Rockets general manager Daryl Morey cited advanced statistics Friday to support the team’s strategy…
Small Town Relieved All Their Beloved Local Businesses Already Forced To Close Down Before Coronavirus Hit
ARCADIA, WI—Saying they took comfort in the knowledge that things were unlikely to get any worse, residents of a small town in western Wisconsin expressed relief Friday that all of…
Students Without Internet Access To Attend Remotely By Peering Through Home Window Of Wealthier Classmate
CHICAGO—Assuring parents they were more than prepared for their first fully virtual semester, Chicago Public Schools encouraged students without internet access Friday to attend remotely by peering through the home…
Defensive Bob Woodward Claims He Withheld Interview Since Journalism Hasn’t Worked On Trump So Far
WASHINGTON—In response to criticism for withholding “bombshell” audio of the president, veteran Washington Post journalist Bob Woodward defended his actions Friday by noting journalism has had no effect on Donald…
Ai Weiwei’s Niece Annoyed He Tried To Pass Off Another Used Bicycle Sculpture As Birthday Present
CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND—Feigning surprise as she unwrapped the massive art installation, Ai Weiwei’s niece Zhang Jing was reportedly annoyed Friday that her uncle had again tried to pass off one of…